The line between lovers and friends…

What makes friends friends and what makes lovers lovers? When does a friend suddenly turn into something more intimate and why? To be honest I have no bloody clue. The human mind is so complex we still can’t figure it out. At least we know why the sky is blue. Let me make this clear before you keep reading, when I say ‘lovers’ I am not referring to the short-term sex-without-feelings (I hate that term) friend, better known as the F.B., i refer to actual relationships which consist of understood feelings.

We each hold friendship as one of the most important things in our lives. The only thing we pray not to happen is to fall in love with our friends. Why? Maybe we’re afraid that if something were to happen the whole world would fall apart. Okay maybe that’s a bit too dramatic. Like I always say, I can’t give the right answers, nor can I give the wrong answers.

I have a friend. He used to be my boyfriend. We jumped into a relationship without knowing each other properly. Look at your friend, are they really showing you their true colours? When I started going out with him, his true colours shone. It hurt, but because I actually did love him (I was sure with myself that I did, but it was more like puppy love) I lived with it. I’m the commited kind of freak who accepts people the way they are. Then that all ended. Problem, we decided, well he decided, that I be his bestfriend. I don’t know what ran through his mind, but I didn’t like it. We just knew each other too much. It hurt to be honest with him because he only wanted to hear the things he wanted me to say. Even though he says i’m just a bestfriend, he doesn’t act that way around me. We’ve had a million fights “as friends,” but I felt trapped. Everything I said and did had to go by him first. The truth is though, I don’t like being “owned” and I don’t like people prying into every corner of my life. If you ask with good reason then yes maybe, but usually I take the initiative to open up. I speak in my own time. Holding my hand while he’s chasing another girl is inappropriate to me because i’m the most ‘penguinistic’ (monogomous) person on earth, in my own mind. I went through accusations of selfishness, vanity, rudeness, and most of all, bitchiness. It hurt, but I pretended that it was all a joke. Thank you for his honesty, but word of discouragement isn’t what’s meant for a close friendship. Yes, be brutally honest, but don’t accuse as if they’ve commited the worse crime on earth and can’t be granted forgiveness. I was put through guilt trip, after guilt trip. The funny thing is, he was the only one complaining. In the end he just wanted me to be something i’m not. Today i’m still his bestfriend. He’s my close friend, whom I don’t have to, or need to, tell everything. He doesn’t own me. *vent* He’s like a 5 year old!

I digress. A real friend, shows every good and bad side of them. A friend takes risks to be there for you. They promise to always be there for you, but also are honest that they will at least try, because in reality a person can’t always be there. They accept you for who you are, but give you advice and correct you. They are a word of encouragement. When they’re angry with you they don’t keep silent, they tell you how they really feel instead of wearing a fake smile. A friend will listen to you, but you must too in turn. Nothing in friendships, in any relationship should be one-way, like the saying goes, ‘It takes two to tango.’

When you fall in love with a friend, it’s usually because all you ever see is the “saint” side. Sometimes though it can be different. You just love them for their whole being. So you’re left confused wondering what’s the next step. My 101. 1) Be honest with yourself, 2) Be honest with them, 3)Get to know each other a little more, 4) Don’t rush. Yes, a lot of us when we jump into relationships, we’re swept off our feet into the tidal wave of love. Sometimes we move so fast things end quicker. Take it step by step, and eventually it may be something that lasts. Maybe you might grow old together. 5) Brush your teeth, okay I pulled that out from stupidity.

But who ever said that one of your closest friends should become your lover? Who ever said that you have to marry them because you both click well? Nobody. The only thing that will tell is time and also listening to not only your heart, but your mind. If two are in conflict, then kill one or the other. Okay I take that back. If you are torn between the two then the answer is, NO. When the heart chooses something, the mind must agree too. Otherwise when you jump into the relationship there will be doubt. Doubt should never be in any relationship. Do not doubt the friendship of your bestfriend, do not doubt the love of your boy/girlfriend. If you do, ask! Don’t be chicken and pretend everything is okay. It only makes the doubt worse. Everybody says this, ‘communication is the best key to a succesful relationship,’ in actual fact, any relationship, be it friendship, family, professional, etc. When you love someone you love them whole heartedly.Sometimes a great friendship is better than a serious relationship. Check yourself first before jumping to conclusions.

We each have our own views. This is mine, what is yours?

God Bless & Peace Out