ATTRACTION

Attraction is a natural thing. When a beautiful scene, object or person passes by, one is attracted. An appreciative glance is offered. The object that attracts could be a shade of color, a particular style of dress, a lovely and peaceful face, a lovely, lilting song, and/or a stylish car or bike.
Being attracted to an object will not create ripples or raised eyebrows. But if a person is attracted to another person, it can create problems. Especially if the attraction is for the opposite sex.
Though why should such attraction be considered unhealthy, is not understandable. When a beautiful woman passes by, the men around will be attracted towards her. Appreciative glances will be given and normally the woman herself will feel flattered. But the problem arises when the attraction goes a step forward and ends up embarrassing the person who appears attractive.
What happens if a married man is attracted to a married woman, is it wrong? Normally it shouldn’t be. It is possible to be attracted by her smile, her style of dressing, or the way she handles children, etc. Provided the lady is not aware of this attraction, otherwise she would be embarrassed and may avoid appearing before this man. But, to be honest, some women will be secretly pleased. The feminine aspect in them will be flattered.
The attraction should remain just that. Not go beyond this point. Once he/she crosses the line, then trouble is not far behind.
A case came to me where a man said he is happily married and has two children. His wife was away for a few days and he found himself attracted to his neighbor’s wife. He confessed to his wife, who was understandably upset. But he laughed it off, saying it was only a passing phase. He told his wife not to leave him and go anywhere.
But he wrote to say it was no longer a joke, and he found he was constantly thinking of this woman, in fact he was unable to concentrate on anything else. He was truly alarmed with this behavior. He wanted help.
I suggested to him to rationalize this whole thing. He could keep his attraction to a safe level, because there was no way he could express his feelings to that woman. The repercussions would be too messy to handle. But sometimes rational thinking will not help. When one is told to forget something because it is forbidden, it refuses to go away. The mind seeks that thought, and trying to ignore it will not help. The more one pushes such thoughts down, the more it will pop up.
So I suggested to him to replace the image of this lady in his mind with that of his wife. If he persisted enough times, he would succeed. It is like replacing a negative thought with a positive thought.
Or he could try some exposure therapy in his mind. He imagines he is meeting this lady, he expresses his feelings of attractions to her, and she slaps him. All the other people who reside in the same building witness this. Or his children watch their father being thrashed by that lady’s husband. Or his wife witnesses his humiliation and files for divorce. All these scenarios are painful ones, one that is filled with pain and humiliation. Soon his thoughts of this lady will get associated with humiliation, insults, physical attacks and the hurts of his family.
Such exposure therapy, when done in the mind, will lead to aversion. Surely visions of his family witnessing his humiliation will hopefully bring him out of his unhealthy attraction.
This gentleman wrote back saying my mail has helped him to see his folly.